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Post by leighzard on Jul 22, 2016 12:16:52 GMT -6
I think the problem of putting people on a pedestal comes from two personality traits. I don't just put "potential girlfriends" on that pedestal. I tend to put everyone on the pedestal. I like to see good in everyone. I focus a lot on the traits that I like in other people. I love saying positive things about other people. However I tend to do this whilst lowering myself to the level of dust. So here I am as a 0/10 whilst everyone else is at 9 or 10 out of 10. Hyperbolic, I know. However, surely. If everyone else is this amazing by my metric then surely I am too. So it's good to admire people. I love positivity. I'm always trying to be open to new things and I look for good in people and places and situation whenever possible. I like to think I'm still a mean girl at heart, though. Anyway, you can learn lots of things from others. But that doesn't mean they're better than you. Just different. Hell, even if they are better at you at something, that's just one thing. My husband runs like 2-3 times faster than I do, but you know what? I can fucking crush him at viola playing. You've got to look at yourself as an entire package, not just cherry pick each individual trait to compare to someone you believe to be at a higher standard. Someone's got better hair game than you, borrow their style. But also remember that you're probably way smarter than that guy and that's so much harder to change than your hair. I still think it's awesome that you're putting yourself out there. And I think you're displaying a really good attitude by considering the learning experience you're getting rather than becoming defeated. It's really pretty inspiring. Shows a lot of strength and a good nature. @ Leighzard. I think you've done well for yourself. You found the right guy, settled down. Sure there are challenges, but hey all relationships have those. You seem like an intelligent person. If this were D20, you'd probably have your intelligence, wisdom and charisma in the 14-18 range. (You can't get better than 18 if you're human). Oh yeah, I'm fine in the relationship department. But there are other things that can get you down and make you feel like a not very good person. And here comes the overshare of the year. I blame the pain meds. I'm a generally confident person, and I like who I am, but I struggle intermittently with disordered eating. Have for years, and now I manage it pretty well for the most part, but sometimes things will set me off. So I'm working on liking my body the way it is, which is perfectly fine, I'm even willing to bet it's above average - but I have this completely ridiculous standard for myself that I would never hold anyone else too. I intellectually understand that skipping meals does not, in fact, restore order in a world filled with chaos, but for some reason it just feels right to me. I recognize it's a terrible way to operate and I know it doesn't make sense, but anxiety makes my brain work funny. So I'm working on not thinking horrible things about myself for eating a particular food, or going over my calorie limit for the day, or missing a workout. Actually, I'm not even to thoughts yet. Right now I'm just trying not to call myself fat out loud. Then I can move to internalizing. And part of the way I'm able to balance all of my disruptive thinking is through exercise. It's fun to do, it makes me feel good, it's healthy for me, and it's totally off the table for the next six weeks while I'm non weight-bearing. So now I'm having to work extra hard to watch what I eat so I don't gain weight be accepting of myself and recognize that there will be natural changes while I'm healing and in time I'll be good as new, better even and I'll be able to do even more than I could before. Like I said, work in progress. I'll figure it out. Plus I have y'all and y'all are way cheaper than a psychologist. It's like group therapy in here. |
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