Here we are, the end of VSN. Everything is closed and this is to be the final post. Thank you all so much for sticking around and sorry for basically kicking you all out. I found it hard to justify leaving this place open. To tell the truth, I was jealous of New BSN for a while because of its number of members. Originally when BSN Prime was closing down I had discussed inviting people here to make the numbers bigger (bit of an ego thing, I'll admit; when you see a number counter on something with your name in it you can't help but feel a bit of pride and want to grow it) but we decided it'd be too difficult to moderate as we had a couple of issues in the past with reports. That moment right there was the last chance these forums had to grow and where the stagnation started. The forum posts and topics created began to shrink as more and more people migrated over to the New BSN – some because of the larger number of posters and some because of issues with how moderation was handled here.

Again, I was more than a bit envious for a time, but I'm actually glad with how things have turned out. Look at things as they are now, I don't want to moderate and could you imagine if New BSN didn't exist when I felt that way? I've come to view New BSN more and more fondly as time has gone on, in the end I think VSN was more of a bridge that we all came to take refuge on when BSN Prime shut down the lobby and then the forums. It was useful and granted us more time together, but there are some old friends waiting on the other side, perhaps it is time to cross it and go see them! We can all only stay on this bridge for so long after all.

I get that the lower amount of user activity here is favorable to some. When you have tons and tons of people it is harder to get close to people and know them, it's also harder to stand out and not have your point get drowned out, I acknowledge that will be an issue going forward if y'all choose to go forward onto New BSN. It's just, I think that, those who are interested could make interesting conversations over there or steer them in new ways. That is one of the main reasons behind this closure (decreased user activity, a split community, and my lack of desire to moderate). Ironically, I realize I might be splitting the community even more, but, some of you will go over there and already have.

I'm going to level with you all, really on the level at a point which is very awkward and embarrassing for me, in fact I really don't want to make this closure about me, but I guess it all does boil down to me; me not wanting to moderate, feeling like the community is split and that I'm keeping this going out of hubris, and me deciding to close it all down, so here it is: my physical health is the worst it has ever been and my depression drives me to very dark places on even the best of days. I'm partially shutting this down because I don't know if I'll be here tomorrow (not as in the 27/28th depending on where you are, but like, every tomorrow.) I don't know if I will succumb to my depression, I don't know if my body will fail me, I don't know if I will even have the will to get on my PC.

On a physical level, I have been having trouble keeping in the calories I consume. My weight is between 110 – 120 pounds right now. Fast food is a no go for me because of the whole Covid thing, but as it turns out the unhealthy nature of fast food was actually healthy for me, it helped stabilize my weight. I cook every day and on the days I don't feel like cooking I microwave TV Dinners, I'll even eat some fatty junk food, but I can't bring myself to eat much of it and so my weight slowly keeps going down. I've gotten to the point that I stagger a bit a few times a day when I'm walking/stocking at work. I'm not sure if that's tied to my weight loss or the problems I am suspicious that my heart might have.

The other thing wrong is that I've been having some chest pains for a while now. The males on my father's side of the family have always had heart problems; My grandpa and my dad both had to have bypasses – Grandpa in his 30's and my dad in his 50's – it's probably about my time. Before Covid hit really bad I had scheduled my vacation for March and was going to get it checked out but made the decision to not go because the hospitals were starting to feel up with cases and I didn't want to risk exposing myself to it. There is also the fact that if I did have to have surgery, the only person I could rely on in terms of a ride home would be my mom (my town doesn't have a hospital, it shut down) and I wouldn't want her to be at risk of getting it and then spreading it to my dad.

This leads us into my mental state. I work at grocery store stocking shelves, and because of that (Covid), I haven't seen my parents since March. Then there is the increased work load because people have been buying like crazy and, of course, even tho the business is profiting like crazy, the company won't hire more people. And you know, all this bad stuff ties together and loops back around into my mental and emotional state. It is safe to say that both physically and mentally I am absolutely drained. This all got me thinking about how I don't really want a site out there with my name on it that I couldn't occasionally supervise. I'd really rather VSN ended on as positive of a note as possible, rather than a sad or tragic one.

That's not to say that I believe I'm dying or will die, rather that I view it all as a possibility that doesn't seem so far off from reality right now. This got dark, but we're all adults here and you all stuck by me so there is some of the truth that I didn't really want to share.

As for people being willing to take over, well, I've already made my case, but I feel like that no one is going to want to keep doing it in the long run and there is New BSN which has a moderation team that is already doing so happily and on a large scale.

So yeah, let's end it on this:



Instead of this:





I'm sure I'll see some of you around the net from time to time. Take care and stay safe everyone