So apparently, the teahadists are already running out of food. Here they are on facebook, asking for Doritos, energy drinks and camo pants. Kek, I don't have any food for them, but I'll be sure to send them my "thoughts and prayers!" Would someone send them a glitter bomb in a care package plz?

Laxatives in the food.

Make a shitty situation literal and metaphorical.

Do you really think these people will eat anything you send them that isn't sealed? They're probably asking for the energy drinks because they think the fluoride in the tap water is a mind control drug.

Don't these shit-kickers have jobs or something? Families to support? Do they have to take turns foraging for food in the park?

I though their wives were to be used as human shields in the event that all hell breaks loose.

Sure do. Portland is more or less a hipster/liberal utopia. It's one of the cities I really want to hit up at some point (I've been to Oregon, but have never been to Portland). It's as beautiful as Washington, and it's so much easier (and better) to do cool stuff.

It has the same West Coast vibe as NorCal and Washington, while being a lot more affordable (for now).

Rural Oregon is also an untapped beauty. So many miss out on it. It's downright frontier in many counties: nearly half the state has a population density of less than 6 people per square mile.

Washington has the Wizards, that makes it infinitely superior

Aha, here we go: